Kids dream. For them, anything is possible.
Then we grow up.
We take some hits. Life doesn’t go the way we planned. We lose – relationships, jobs, opportunities, and people.
The dreams morph over time. Then, well, they mostly disappear. And our broken hearts settle for what is.
When people die, some dreams do too
“My dreams are gone. Anything I thought I wanted to do disappeared. The goals are no more. It was all tied to him,” Renee said.
“I miss the future with him. It’s not there anymore,” she shared.
When Renee’s husband died, her future was turned upside down. Anything they had planned together was erased. Her dreams, hopes, and goals died with him.
Loss is like an earthquake
You know this if you’ve lost someone close: the earthquake hits, and then the aftershocks continue. Collateral damage starts to appear, and can continue to surface for months, even years later.
Then you’re faced with not only the pain, but massive rebuilding. The key is to not be in a hurry. This isn’t a sprint. As you focus on taking care of yourself and healing well, you’ll be able later to handle the challenges of remaking the future – one step at a time.
An affirmation for today:
“My dreams are shattered. I’ll focus on healing well, and retool the future when it’s time.”
Grieving and healing take great courage. You are braver than you realize.
Adapted from Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse (Amazon Bestseller, USA Best Book Awards Finalist, National Indie Excellence Book Award Finalist).
Photo Credit: ©photodune.net
I think prayers really help…no one has mentioned the power of prayers for healing….I lost my husband two years ago, I prayed very day for strength and yes it was hard but I held on to Jesus’s hand through my grief….and one day you wake up and say to your self I am feeling better, there really is a light at the end of this dark tunnel and there is sunshine out there and i am getting out of the house and I am walking in it….Life isn’t fair at times but keep hanging on to that big strong hand that will take you to a better place and lets pray for each other.
Hi Marie. Thanks for sharing this. You are so right. In fact, I don’t know how any of us survive without prayer – and the benefit of the prayers for others. We can do so much for each other in prayer – so thank you for reminding us!
So glad i ran onto this site. My husband has been diagnosed with Liver cancer. Has been given 6 months,but has declined drastically. He has a will to live and doesn’t want to give up. Although I haven’t lost him physically, I feel he is gone.
One thing I worry about when he does go, is where will my next breath come from, how can I put one foot in front of the other. I’m not a person to be alone. He has been my everything.
Hi Julie. Oh no. I’m so sorry. It sounds like your heart is being prepared for this loss. You don’t have to know these answers right now, and can’t. The answers will reveal themselves one moment, one step at a time, and things play out. Please check out the book Saying Goodbye on my website. See what you think. It’s designed for this kind of situation. Do you have people around you who can support you through this? Please stay in touch.
So strange, after being married for so many years, to suddenly be single. It has only been three months since my husband died, but some days it seems forever. And sometimes it feels like only yesterday. What will I do with the rest of my life? I don’t know, but I look forward to the day that I again care about the rest of my life.
Hi Linda. Thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry about your husband. The loss of a spouse changes everything. No wonder you feel as you do. Yes, you’re right. Healing and recovery take time. It’s hard to imagine healing at this stage, much less know what that would look like. Please be kind to yourself, and please reach out. You are not alone.
Linda,
Your post sounds so hauntingly familiar, I’ve never been alone in my life: from my parents, to college, to married. This is so very strange to me, I’m in such a mess of trying to figure out what to do with our business, our business in every aspect was him. Without him, it’s just a shell. Yet I have to do something with it.
It feels like he’s been gone so long and for me it’s five months. Did I say that? I’ve been alone five months. How do I even breathe?
Most days I just sit. My dreams, my goals, my day to day life is gone, He did so much for me that I miss terribly. I. Just. Miss. Him.?
HI Jeanne. Thank you for sharing, and supporting and affirming another grieving heart in the process. We’re in this together, and we need each other badly. If I can ever help in any way, please let me know. Yes, even breathing is hard. It’s like someone stole our oxygen. Blessings to you…
16 months without my love, and I long for him more than ever. Having both been burned in our first marriages, we never married each other. Now after court battles with his family members, his ex-wife’s family members demanding I give them his cars, etc., I understand how foolish we were not to make our relationship official. He really left me a mess.
And once I prevailed in the legal skirmishes, I made some poor financial decisions because I just wasn’t thinking right. I’ve wasted a ton of $$$ remodeling a house I’ll probably never live in. I have nowhere to go, no family to turn to and nothing to do except work.
After fighting the world for more than a year – inside and outside of courtrooms – I realize I didn’t win anything at all, because all I really want is to have him back in my arms. And I want our dreams back. I don’t want to start over with anyone else, if that were even an option. I’m only 56 and can’t believe I might be on planet Earth another 25-30 years without a partner.
Hi Tammy. I’m so sorry. Loss upon loss. So much is beyond our control. We do the best we can with what we have at the time. We trip along, hoping to stumble forward. In other words, you are not alone. And yes, you’re right – all of this is related to just wanting him back – and that’s natural. Thankfully, now is not forever, and these feelings will most likely change with time. But you will always miss him. Always. If I can help in any way, please let me know. Again, I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing.