Grief is about to meet Thanksgiving. Which one will win?
We think of these two as enemies. What if they could actually be friends?
Holidays surface our losses. We’re assaulted by memories. Good times. Not so good times. But most of all, we wish for more time – with those who are no longer here.
How do we handle this?
First, know that it’s okay to hurt.
Loss hits the heart, hard. We’re crushed, perhaps shattered. Perhaps we’ve never known a Thanksgiving without them.
It hurts. It’s supposed to.
Second, speak their name, often.
Many are hesitant to mention their loved one for fear of setting off a chain reaction of grief. Who wants to be the wet blanket, the bringer of doom-and-gloom?
But the grief is already there. It’s inside us, waiting to be released. Holding it in doesn’t work. Pretending everything is normal is, well, a lie.
Your loved one is the proverbial elephant in the room. If you don’t include them in the holiday, they will burst forth into it anyway.
Go ahead. Speak their name. Often. Share the memories and stories. Honor them, and do yourself and everyone else a favor.
Third, make a plan.
Be proactive. Take matters into your own hands. Make a plan to honor your loved one(s) this Thanksgiving.
What about…
- An empty chair at the table?
- A time of sharing memories?
- A balloon release (where everyone writes a message on a balloon and then releases them together)?
- Have everyone bring a card or short note written to the loved one, then read them at a set time during the holiday?
Be creative. Do what makes the most sense to you.
Whatever you decide, I recommend you put this time at the front of your holiday. Everyone is already hyper-aware of who’s missing, so you might as well escort the elephant out into the open quickly.
Confront the dread. Make a simple plan. You’re honoring your loved one and giving everyone a chance to grieve in a healthy way.
Yes, this hurts. That’s okay. Speak his or her name often. Make a plan to honor them. Your heart will thank you later.
A Word about Black Friday and Cyber Monday
The shopping frenzy is upon us. In the midst of this craziness, at GR Healing Resources we’ve wondered how to get helpful resources into the hands of those who need them this holiday season. To be honest, we were concerned about offering any kind of sale for fear of being misunderstood – that we were somehow trying to profit from others’ pain.
Then we thought, “Which do we want to act upon: fear of what some might think, or love and concern for those who are hurting and could be helped?”
As you might guess – the latter won.
The Give a Gift of Healing Event
As a result, from Black Friday to Cyber Monday (Nov. 27-30), we’re having a Give a Gift of Healing Event where all our grief resources will be half-off. Our goal is to get these books to as many hurting people in the most affordable way possible.
Can you help? Who do you know out there who’s hurting?
Together, we can make a huge difference. Log on to our GR Healing Resources store anytime Friday Nov. 26 until midnight Monday, Nov. 30 and help us reach people this holiday season. And please pass along this info to anyone you think might benefit.
I’m so glad we’re in this together. Thank you for being a part of this community of healing.
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What a wonderful article. You are so right…we need to confront the issue and bring it into the light. I think it would make the most memorable holiday ever. Thank you for such a wise suggestion.
Hi Sheila. Thanks for your encouragement. Thank goodness we can be hurting, but still make proactive decisions that are good for us. If we make healing a priority, a lot of things fall into place. Thanks for sharing.
Good article Gary. Its always there. The empty chair. The flashes from memories gone by. And, looking at what is not. What should be. For me, I will take deep breaths, wipe tears and make new memories with family. God bless each person with comfort.
Thank you for sharing. And what a wonderful choice – remember, honor them, grieve well, make new memories, and live well. If I can ever help, please let me know. Blessings to you…
What a wonderful article. You are so right…we need to confront the issue and bring it into the light. I think it would make the most memorable holiday ever. Thank you for such a wise suggestion.
Hi Sheila. Thanks for your encouragement. Thank goodness we can be hurting, but still make proactive decisions that are good for us. If we make healing a priority, a lot of things fall into place. Thanks for sharing.
What a wonderful article. You are so right…we need to confront the issue and bring it into the light. I think it would make the most memorable holiday ever. Thank you for such a wise suggestion.
Hi Sheila. Thanks for your encouragement. Thank goodness we can be hurting, but still make proactive decisions that are good for us. If we make healing a priority, a lot of things fall into place. Thanks for sharing.
Very good article, Gary; but the reality is that grief always wins this battle. I have all I can do to get through the Holidays even after almost 10 years. I take lots of deep breaths throughout the Holidays, just to manage to keep from bursting into tears all the time. I try to distract myself with other things and I am successful for a brief period of time, but it always comes flooding back and I don’t foresee that ever changing.
Deep breath, Linda, deep breath!!!
Hi Linda. One thing for sure – we’ll never score a knockout over grief. It just keeps coming back. It can be sneaky. And this time of year, it just keeps coming and coming. I’m thankful and applaud your ability to keep it at bay at times, and then let yourself feel it at others. Hang in there. Keep breathing. Be very nice to yourself, please.
Very good article, Gary; but the reality is that grief always wins this battle. I have all I can do to get through the Holidays even after almost 10 years. I take lots of deep breaths throughout the Holidays, just to manage to keep from bursting into tears all the time. I try to distract myself with other things and I am successful for a brief period of time, but it always comes flooding back and I don’t foresee that ever changing.
Deep breath, Linda, deep breath!!!
Hi Linda. One thing for sure – we’ll never score a knockout over grief. It just keeps coming back. It can be sneaky. And this time of year, it just keeps coming and coming. I’m thankful and applaud your ability to keep it at bay at times, and then let yourself feel it at others. Hang in there. Keep breathing. Be very nice to yourself, please.
Very good article, Gary; but the reality is that grief always wins this battle. I have all I can do to get through the Holidays even after almost 10 years. I take lots of deep breaths throughout the Holidays, just to manage to keep from bursting into tears all the time. I try to distract myself with other things and I am successful for a brief period of time, but it always comes flooding back and I don’t foresee that ever changing.
Deep breath, Linda, deep breath!!!
Hi Linda. One thing for sure – we’ll never score a knockout over grief. It just keeps coming back. It can be sneaky. And this time of year, it just keeps coming and coming. I’m thankful and applaud your ability to keep it at bay at times, and then let yourself feel it at others. Hang in there. Keep breathing. Be very nice to yourself, please.