Loneliness is awful.

I’ve felt alone many times. At times, loneliness seemed to take over my life. I still feel alone more than I admit, even though I’m constantly surrounded by people.

 

Alone Together

Recently, I ran across a book titled Alone Together. Those two words resonated with me. We say we’re connected because we have more access to one another – email, social media, smart phones, etc. But our technology skims the surface. Attention spans are shrinking. Things seem less safe and secure, causing us to be more private and withdrawn. Things are more global, but less personal.

Then there are the hits – the emotional bullets of life:

  • Conflicts
  • Break-ups
  • Estrangements
  • Mental and physical illness
  • Financial trouble
  • Accidents and disasters
  • Deaths

Our lives are in constant flux. All this can leave us stunned and gasping for breath. Feeling alone together has become the norm.

 

Why Loneliness Hurts

Loneliness hurts. Here’s why:

  • We were created for relationship and made for connection.
  • Our hearts long to see and be seen, to hear and be heard, to understand and be understood.
  • We hunger to love and be loved.
  • Our joys and regrets are relational (they are connected to other people somehow).

No wonder loneliness hurts. It’s the opposite of what we’re wired for.

 

FOUR TRUTHS THAT CAN HELP

There is no magic pill for loneliness. But here are four truths that can help:

 

1.   It’s okay to feel alone.

I tried to ignore loneliness. I gritted my teeth and said, “I will not feel alone. I will not feel alone. I will not feel alone.”

A lot of good that did me.

Feeling alone is part of being human. It comes and goes for all of us. The problem is when loneliness unpacks its bags and takes up residence in our hearts.

Sometimes accepting our feelings is the first step beyond them.

 

2.   Feelings are just emotions. They aren’t necessarily reality.

Our world glorifies feelings. Our emotions seem to run the show. As a counselor friend of mine says, “Mood is king.”

We’re constantly looking to feel good, and if we don’t, we think something’s wrong. And when we’re in pain, we’ll do almost anything to feel better (which can be dangerous!).

Feelings are momentary. Living based on emotion is like chasing after the wind.

 

3.   You’re not alone in feeling lonely.

Almost everyone experiences loneliness on some level. Your emotions are your own, but someone around you is dealing with something similar right now.

The valley of loneliness is more populated than we realize.

 

4.   Being with safe people can make a huge difference.

What’s a safe person?

  • They take your heart seriously.
  • They accept you (with all your stuff) as you are.
  • They don’t try to fix you.
  • They are willing to walk with you in your valley.

Many safe people have battled loneliness, and won. That doesn’t mean they never feel lonely, but they no longer allow emotion to rule their lives.

This is what we thirst for – real people who see us, and stay. Spending time with safe people brings healing.

 

There’s Hope for Us Lonely Folks

Loneliness is part of living in this often harsh, competitive, and disconnected world. It’s all around us, everywhere. The book title was right. We are alone together.

But there is great hope. In this frenetic and fast-paced age, hearts can still connect. Soul wounds can still be treated, and healed. We might all walk with a limp, but we can still walk together.

Lonely? Perhaps.

Alone? Far from it.
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