Who likes pain and grief? I don’t. But if I have to go through it, at least I can be thankful for its lessons.
Here are 10 things grief and pain have taught me:
1. Life isn’t smooth, nor is it supposed to be.
Grief isn’t weird or negative. It’s not a disease of some kind. It’s a natural and normal response to a loss.
2. I’m not in control.
I can’t stop losses from coming. How I manage life’s hits is going to determine a lot, so I better get good at grieving.
3. Grief isn’t just about death, but about loss of any kind.
Loss comes in many forms: disappointment, abuse, conflicts, estrangements, separations, divorces, moves, financial tragedy, job termination, etc. Many things can cause pain.
4. Grieving well and healing doesn’t just ‘happen.’ It is a choice.
I must intentionally invest in the process. I don’t have to let my wounds determine my life. I can heal, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be the same.
5. Grief can be a catalyst to deep and powerful growth.
Very little growth and maturity has occurred in my life without change and some degree of uncomfortability. I heal, but the scars remain. When life bumps my scars, it hurts. This is natural and normal.
6. Grief changes my relationships because it changes me.
I’m not the same. My grief and healing process will bring me closer to some people, but distance me from others. This too is natural and normal.
7. In some senses, I never stop grieving.
It’s always there, right under the surface. I can let the grief bursts come. This honors my loved one, and helps me heal.
8. Grief taught me to be real, and who to be real with.
Not everyone is helpful in my grief process. I’ve learned to get around people who help me grow and limit my exposure to those who don’t.
9. It’s better to feel the pain than to stuff it.
Grief taught me that whatever I stuff gets buried, only to resurface again. I’ve learned to feel the pain, as much as I can, and work through it. As I do this, over time I’ll grow and heal rather than spinning in circles covering the same ground over and over again.
10. I can use my pain for good.
If I’m willing, grief and pain can teach me compassion and acceptance. I can let them motivate me to reach out and help others heal. As a bonus, I heal a little more too.
A recent radio interview
I talked about some of these things, and a lot more, in a recent radio interview.
The interview covered:
- What grief is
- How grief operates
- The impact grief has on us
- How to begin to recover and heal.
There are some commercial breaks, so feel free to fast forward or jump ahead. And please note:
the views and beliefs of the interviewer do not necessarily reflect mine, and visa versa.
Moving Through Grief Toward Healing on Voice of America Radio — Click here
Grief is a part of healing
Grief hurts. It should. Rather than waste the pain, let’s learn from it. If we can begin to see grief as part of healing, we’re one step further down the road of recovery.
[/div]
Gary I do so appreciate the ‘bite size’ quotes and helpful comments on FB. It is like a daily dose of vitamins during this season of grieving. The one that stands out to me is #8 that Grief has taught me to be real and who to be real with. It is so true. God has blessed me with two close friends who I can cry with, pray with, talk with and unload my soul. Sometimes others try to get close but if they weren’t close before, it doesn’t change now. I am glad to know that is quite normal. This journey is so hard, but I journal often and I plan to write about my experiences, and how my faith in God is proving to be an integral part of my healing process.
Hi Valmai. Thanks for sharing this. Well said! I’m so glad for your faith, and your relationship with God. Grief and loss bring great opportunity. It hurts, and is not pleasant – far, far, from it. But God is with us in the mess, walking with us, carrying us. Now is not forever, and he will see us through. I’m proud of you. Blessings!
Love that you “normalize” a truly unique and difficult journey. Thank-you for helping me find a purpose for my grief. Peace.
Love that you “normalize” a truly unique and difficult journey. Thank-you for helping me find a purpose for my grief. Peace.
I so appreciate this and your online support group. I have been thru 2 series of support classes, they are helping. Life is different, we are forever changed. We can stay in this pit of grief, depression, despair, and believe me there are days that I want to do that. OR, we can ask God In to this new journey with us, ask Him to help us overcome, to let our tragedy, build our compassion and reach out and help someone who are experiencing loss, grief, tragedy. Because the loss of my husband, God and I have a new, closer relationship. Turn to Him, do not let your hurt, anger, grief define you. Use this experience to help others. It is hard to focus on your problems if you are ministering to someone else. Still have days, but by Gods grace, He will carry me thru. Thank you Mr. Roe, for the time and effort you put into these post.
Hi Betty. Thanks for commenting and sharing. Yes, in the end it’s really all about choices. Many times we feel paralyzed, but I believe even at those times, the Lord is ministering to us and bringing healing, if we’re willing. Yes, indeed, by His grace. And He will certainly carry you through! Blessings to you, Betty.
I so appreciate this and your online support group. I have been thru 2 series of support classes, they are helping. Life is different, we are forever changed. We can stay in this pit of grief, depression, despair, and believe me there are days that I want to do that. OR, we can ask God In to this new journey with us, ask Him to help us overcome, to let our tragedy, build our compassion and reach out and help someone who are experiencing loss, grief, tragedy. Because the loss of my husband, God and I have a new, closer relationship. Turn to Him, do not let your hurt, anger, grief define you. Use this experience to help others. It is hard to focus on your problems if you are ministering to someone else. Still have days, but by Gods grace, He will carry me thru. Thank you Mr. Roe, for the time and effort you put into these post.
Hi Betty. Thanks for commenting and sharing. Yes, in the end it’s really all about choices. Many times we feel paralyzed, but I believe even at those times, the Lord is ministering to us and bringing healing, if we’re willing. Yes, indeed, by His grace. And He will certainly carry you through! Blessings to you, Betty.
Hi Gary, Thanks a lot. Your writing and the course it is very helpful. I learnt a lot about grief. It is not easy to recover fully but after the course I felt much better
Hi Gertie. You are more than welcome. I’m so glad it’s been helpful and encouraging. Feel free to share anytime.
Hi Gary, Thanks a lot. Your writing and the course it is very helpful. I learnt a lot about grief. It is not easy to recover fully but after the course I felt much better
Hi Gertie. You are more than welcome. I’m so glad it’s been helpful and encouraging. Feel free to share anytime.
Thank you Gary , I find your writings to be comforting and positive …. I read what you write and try concentrating on your words to fit my needs …. Thank you so much..Debbie
Hi Debbie. Thanks for commenting, and for your encouragement! I really appreciate and value it. Hope you are doing well. Blessings…
Thank you Gary , I find your writings to be comforting and positive …. I read what you write and try concentrating on your words to fit my needs …. Thank you so much..Debbie
Hi Debbie. Thanks for commenting, and for your encouragement! I really appreciate and value it. Hope you are doing well. Blessings…
I really like your writings. Been reading them since my youngest child (son) passed away unexpectedly in October 2014. Still fresh on my mind. I live in Bryab.
Hello Sharon. Good to hear from you. How are doing? I can’t imagine all that goes with a loss like yours. So painful. I’m so sorry. Thank you for your encouragement.
I really like your writings. Been reading them since my youngest child (son) passed away unexpectedly in October 2014. Still fresh on my mind. I live in Bryab.
Hello Sharon. Good to hear from you. How are doing? I can’t imagine all that goes with a loss like yours. So painful. I’m so sorry. Thank you for your encouragement.
This is excellent. Thank you. For myself I might add to this list – I had no idea how big, more than sufficient, all encompassing and amazing God’s hand and grace could be toward me as I choose to trust Him in the loss/grieving process. I am undone and forever changed; He is Lord and more than enough… amen.
Hi Carolyn. Thanks for sharing. You are so right. Jesus is no stranger to grief. He is the best Valley-Walker ever, and I too have learned so much from him during the difficult times. So glad He uses all things for His glory and our good. Somehow. Some way. Blessings!
This is excellent. Thank you. For myself I might add to this list – I had no idea how big, more than sufficient, all encompassing and amazing God’s hand and grace could be toward me as I choose to trust Him in the loss/grieving process. I am undone and forever changed; He is Lord and more than enough… amen.
Hi Carolyn. Thanks for sharing. You are so right. Jesus is no stranger to grief. He is the best Valley-Walker ever, and I too have learned so much from him during the difficult times. So glad He uses all things for His glory and our good. Somehow. Some way. Blessings!