We all have our “trigger-times” – those special days or seasons that unleash pain and grief on a greater scale. Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, for example, can surface our losses and throw them in our faces.

The whole month of April does that for me. It’s Child Abuse Awareness and Prevention Month.
 

Deaths shape us

Grief isn’t just about death. We experience losses of all kinds: job changes, moves, estrangements, break-ups, divorces, disease, and disabilities, to name a few. Then again, all these are “deaths” of sorts.

These deaths shape and mold us. If we allow them to rule, they can set the agenda for our hearts and lives. But I believe there is life hidden in these deaths. If we look closely, under every loss is great opportunity for healing and growth. It takes a while to see this because the pain and agony are so intense at first.

Part of me died back there

Among the deaths in my life, childhood sexual abuse is one of the worst:

• It stole my innocence and shattered my trust.
• It taught me fear, terror, and hopelessness.
• It drove me deep inside, producing a painfully shy youngster.
• It profoundly skewed my view of myself, others, the world, and God.
• It whispered “You’re damaged goods. Nobody wants you. No one will ever love you.” I heard these messages so often I believed them.
• It spawned a life of anxiety and driven performance. If I worked hard enough and did things right enough, surely I could keep bad things from happening.

Some losses are evil. Childhood sexual abuse is one of those. It was a death. Part of me died back there.

We have all endured multiple deaths

You have similar trigger-times too. You also have endured multiple deaths. We’re in this together. No matter where we go, we are in the company of fellow grievers.

As Helen Keller said, “We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world – the company of those who have known suffering.”

Every April, I’m reminded not only of what I endured, but what I survived. Even with all the deaths, I’m still here. So are you.

Are you hurting?

We’ve all been wounded. If you’re hurting, perhaps you should be. No one wants pain, but the hurt can also mean you’re living in reality and you’re healing.

There’s healing and hope underneath the rubble. You may not see it, but it’s there. That’s what the video at the beginning of this post is about.

(NOTE: This video is about my personal experience and is distinctively Christian in nature. No matter what your faith or belief system, I hope you find it helpful and encouraging). 

Are you an abuse survivor?

Wonderful things can come out of backgrounds of garbage and fear. You’re not there anymore. You survived. You had the core of your being violated, and you’re still breathing.

If you haven’t seen the above video, take 6 minutes and watch it now. I think you’ll be encouraged. And then download a copy of my free e-book Never Alone. It was written for you.

Making the pain count

It’s been said that our greatest wounds shape our mission. That’s certainly true for me. With lots of help, I’m going to keep turning the tables on life’s deaths by helping hurting people heal and grow.

We are the largest company in all the world – the company of those who have known suffering. Let’s work together, and make the pain count.

P.S. If you know an abuse survivor, consider passing along Never Alone. It’s free and super easy to download. Thanks!