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[dropcap2 variation=”coffee”]H[/dropcap2]e’s smart, and he’s sneaky.
He got to us early. We’ve known him since childhood.
He became so familiar we began to hear his words in our own voices.
His name is Guilt, and he wants to steal your life.
I grew up in an atmosphere of guilt. Of course, that didn’t begin with me. Guilt flexed his muscles in my family long before I was born. By the time I surfaced, he was part of the air we breathed.
Because of abuse, I was one of those kids who felt responsible for everything bad that happened. I grew skilled at living in the land of what-if and if-only. “What if I had….?” “If I had only…” I burdened myself with things I wasn’t responsible for and had no control over. Then there was the junk I was responsible for – thoughts that led to hurtful words and actions. Add to this a number of other significant hits – deaths, losses, and tragedies.
I had no idea how to deal with this stuff. So, I tried to take control. I made myself responsible and became a relentless, overachieving robot.
Guilt had succeeded. His voice had become my own. He became the unseen shadow piloting my life.
Perhaps you are well acquainted with him too.
I once had a gerbil named Ralph. He was especially fond of the wheel in his cage. He would get it in and run for seemingly hours at a time. Even in the middle of the night, I could hear that little wheel going round and round.
Ralph was industrious, but he didn’t accomplish much. He wasn’t supposed to. He was a gerbil. He was cute. That was enough.
I wonder how many of us feel caught, trapped in small lives, going round and round but not getting anywhere?
How many of us feel stuck, burdened by the challenges we’re facing?
How many of us have the painful past frequently invade the present, hijacking our emotions?
How many of us regularly settle for something we sense is far less than we were destined for?
I believe our “friend” Guilt has a lot to do with this.
It’s time we saw him for who he is, don’t you think?
NEXT TIME: How do we learn to recognize Guilt, and then deal with him?
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The way you describe feeling guilty about things you had no control over sounds exactly like me. As a child I always felt responsible for everyone and everything. I always felt like it was my responsibility to “fix” evertthing. Even now at age 57 I still feel that way. I never had counseling for things that happened during my childhood, so I guess it just carried over to my adulthood. I have been taken advantage of all of my life because of it. I’m tired of feeling guilty all the time. What’s a person to do?
Hi Kay. Oh my, yes. I believe we are far more influenced by our pasts than we realize. At some point, if we want to heal, we have to clean out those old, dusty cabinets, and toss what we no longer need. I learned guilt early. He became a constant voice. I went on a mission to discover when he was talking, and then said, “Wait! That’s not my voice.” Over time, I gained some distance from this not-at-all-helpful companion. Still a work in progress of course. You’re right. It’s tough. But it can be done.
The way you describe feeling guilty about things you had no control over sounds exactly like me. As a child I always felt responsible for everyone and everything. I always felt like it was my responsibility to “fix” evertthing. Even now at age 57 I still feel that way. I never had counseling for things that happened during my childhood, so I guess it just carried over to my adulthood. I have been taken advantage of all of my life because of it. I’m tired of feeling guilty all the time. What’s a person to do?
Hi Kay. Oh my, yes. I believe we are far more influenced by our pasts than we realize. At some point, if we want to heal, we have to clean out those old, dusty cabinets, and toss what we no longer need. I learned guilt early. He became a constant voice. I went on a mission to discover when he was talking, and then said, “Wait! That’s not my voice.” Over time, I gained some distance from this not-at-all-helpful companion. Still a work in progress of course. You’re right. It’s tough. But it can be done.
Sorry.. I meant I Miss You…. He is Gone was read at a police officers funeral here last year… Awesome.
Hi again, Charlene. Yes, He is Gone is wonderful. Well put!
Sorry.. I meant I Miss You…. He is Gone was read at a police officers funeral here last year… Awesome.
Hi again, Charlene. Yes, He is Gone is wonderful. Well put!
I lost my Wife of 25 years and it has been hard to deal with, she was the love of my life and soul mate. I now have someone to talk to about my problem with Guilt and it has helped me beyond belief. I have prayed to Jesus Christ and through my faith in our Lord and Savior I am slowly getting over the what if. God bless Nat Bankston
Hi Nat. My heart breaks for you, my friend. I’m sorry. And I’m so glad you’re doing what you’re doing. Jesus is the key to Guilt removal. He’s an expert at it. Keep leaning on him and trusting.
I lost my Wife of 25 years and it has been hard to deal with, she was the love of my life and soul mate. I now have someone to talk to about my problem with Guilt and it has helped me beyond belief. I have prayed to Jesus Christ and through my faith in our Lord and Savior I am slowly getting over the what if. God bless Nat Bankston
Hi Nat. My heart breaks for you, my friend. I’m sorry. And I’m so glad you’re doing what you’re doing. Jesus is the key to Guilt removal. He’s an expert at it. Keep leaning on him and trusting.
Gary… My husband passed 1 year ago next month. Went into hospital for possible pace maker, but had to have open heart. He survived that, but was in ICU for full month for other issues… He died 2-28 of cardiac arrest. Never once did I think he was going to die…. So I’m having tough time… Among all other natural feelings, I also feel stuck and trapped.. But I never thought of it as Guilt… Am I understanding that right? This was my second marriage.. He was 74 and I am 65… Married 12 years.. He was the love of my life but left me in bad financial situation.. He was lifetime estate planner, but forgot to plan his own!!! I get really mad at him, which I know doesn’t help, but is this where guilt comes in?
Thank you so much for your e-mails… I am so glad I saw you on Facebook with “He is Gone”… I have 2 friends that have recently lost their husbands and have sent it to them.
Thanks again Gary..
Hi Charlene. Sorry for the delay in responding. Yes, our “friend” Guilt masquerades as other things all the time. It’s tough to expose him. I’m so sorry about your husband. What a shock! Ugh. No wonder you’re having a difficult time. And anger is definitely a part of grief. Thanks for your encouragement. It means a lot. And don’t worry – there will be more on Guilt coming!
Gary… My husband passed 1 year ago next month. Went into hospital for possible pace maker, but had to have open heart. He survived that, but was in ICU for full month for other issues… He died 2-28 of cardiac arrest. Never once did I think he was going to die…. So I’m having tough time… Among all other natural feelings, I also feel stuck and trapped.. But I never thought of it as Guilt… Am I understanding that right? This was my second marriage.. He was 74 and I am 65… Married 12 years.. He was the love of my life but left me in bad financial situation.. He was lifetime estate planner, but forgot to plan his own!!! I get really mad at him, which I know doesn’t help, but is this where guilt comes in?
Thank you so much for your e-mails… I am so glad I saw you on Facebook with “He is Gone”… I have 2 friends that have recently lost their husbands and have sent it to them.
Thanks again Gary..
Hi Charlene. Sorry for the delay in responding. Yes, our “friend” Guilt masquerades as other things all the time. It’s tough to expose him. I’m so sorry about your husband. What a shock! Ugh. No wonder you’re having a difficult time. And anger is definitely a part of grief. Thanks for your encouragement. It means a lot. And don’t worry – there will be more on Guilt coming!
I will definitely share this with my friend who consistently says, “I feel so guilty or I feel so bad….”
Thank you!
Hi Carolyn. You bet. Share away!
I will definitely share this with my friend who consistently says, “I feel so guilty or I feel so bad….”
Thank you!
Hi Carolyn. You bet. Share away!