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[dropcap2 variation=”coffee”]E[/dropcap2]very now and then my past rears its ugly head and encroaches on the present.
Recently, I was sitting in a counselor’s office sharing about my upcoming marriage. I was wanting to make sure I was ready for this. We quickly went to the areas I was the most nervous about. And then she asked the zinger.
“So, what’s the message behind those anxieties? What’s driving them?”
I thought for a moment.
“That I’m not enough,” I replied.
“Never enough,” she said, nodding. “And is that about this relationship, or does it go further back than that?” she asked.
“It goes as far back as I can remember,” I answered.
Never-enough originally stemmed from sexual abuse I endured in early childhood. It led me down the ruthless path of performance and people-pleasing. I thought, If I can just be good enough (perfect), perhaps I can slip under the radar, keep more abuse from happening, and maybe, just maybe, someone will love me.
Sigh.
Doing Battle with Never-Enough
Never-enough creates all kinds of mental, emotional, and spiritual havoc when I listen to it. It affects me physically too.
This message isn’t unique to me. Many struggle with it in some form: never good enough, smart enough, athletic enough, thin enough, pretty enough, handsome enough, quick enough, etc. If left unchallenged, never-enough can crush our hearts.
Never-enough is sneaky. Its success depends on deception, luring us in with believable half-truths. For example, never-enough takes advantage of the fact that we’re human and obviously make mistakes, fail, and sin. “See there! Look at you!” it says. “You’ll never be enough.”
This sounds true. We’re not enough – by ourselves. But never-enough wants to imprison us there, incapacitated and alone. If we bow to it, we’ll have difficulty healing, growing, and living out our purpose.
How do we battle this half-truth? By getting a grip on who we really are.
Know Who You’re Not
Knowing who you are begins with knowing who you’re not:
- You’re not perfect
- You’re not all-knowing
- You’re not all-powerful
- You’re not omnipresent
- You’re not the ultimate need-meeter of those around you
- You’re not God or Jesus Christ (surprise!)
If you’re trying to be any of these things, give it up. It’s a fruitless, beat-your-head-against-a-brick-wall exercise in futility. These things will keep you driven, distracted, fragmented, and exhausted.
Know who you are
What’s the truth about you?
- God thought of and knew you before the creation of the world. You weren’t an accident or an afterthought.
- He decided the time and place you would be born and live. You were planned. Your life isn’t haphazard or random.
- He personally created you in your mother’s womb. You’re far more than the genetic union of your parents.
- You’re created in the image of God and of priceless, eternal value (apart from anything you think, say, feel, or do). Your worth is inherent. You don’t have to justify your existence.
- You’re human, full of failings and potential, with an eternal destiny and purpose that only you can fulfill.
- When you trusted Christ, He placed you in himself, and he came to live in you. You’re a new person with a new identity. You’ll never be the same again.
The standard has been met, so it’s not about being enough. It’s about trusting Him-who-is-enough and living out the destiny He has designed for you.
The Evil of Comparison
Instead of engaging with Him-who-is-enough, we often compare ourselves with one other. Messed-up human beings become our standard. We come out either ahead or behind, inflated or deflated, but never right-sized. We become envious or arrogant. We refuse to believe what God says about us. We compare, and we lose.
I’m reminded of the chorus of a David Crowder song:
You make everything glorious.
You make everything glorious.
I am Yours,
What does that make me?
Bold, isn’t it? The definition of humility is agreeing with God. Only He has the right to define us. What has He said?
Thought of. Known. Planned. Wanted. Personally created in the image of God. Died for by Jesus Christ. Endowed with an eternal purpose and destiny beyond imagining. That’s you.
You’re not enough in yourself, and never will be. Get off that treadmill. He calls you deeper and cheers you on. He calls you not to what your limited self can do, but invites you to join Him in what He is doing. He longs to live through you and shine. He offers you Himself.
He is more than enough. He makes everything glorious. If you are His, what does that make you?
Question: Where do you feel never-enough? How is God enough in that area?
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What a true message! We live in a society that tells us we have to have more money, more beauty, more, more, more… We see the surface and use that to make comparisons without knowing what battles/demons/struggles that person has had to go through or deal with.
Every day we have is a blessing. I have to remind myself that there is a path laid out for me, it may not be straight and smooth but the important thing is to keep moving! And when I stumble, I have to drop that heavy suitcase that Kay mentioned (what a great analogy!) and remember He made me for a reason- I am a smart, beautiful, capable person and He will always love me for who I am (even if I can’t in that moment).
P. S. As I’ve said before, you are so great at knowing what people need to hear and I needed this reminder right now! Thank you!
Hi Sara. Thanks for sharing, and for your encouragement. He loves you and is working through you each day. Thank you for the way you allow him to use you to serve others!
What a true message! We live in a society that tells us we have to have more money, more beauty, more, more, more… We see the surface and use that to make comparisons without knowing what battles/demons/struggles that person has had to go through or deal with.
Every day we have is a blessing. I have to remind myself that there is a path laid out for me, it may not be straight and smooth but the important thing is to keep moving! And when I stumble, I have to drop that heavy suitcase that Kay mentioned (what a great analogy!) and remember He made me for a reason- I am a smart, beautiful, capable person and He will always love me for who I am (even if I can’t in that moment).
P. S. As I’ve said before, you are so great at knowing what people need to hear and I needed this reminder right now! Thank you!
Hi Sara. Thanks for sharing, and for your encouragement. He loves you and is working through you each day. Thank you for the way you allow him to use you to serve others!
Thanks Gary! I needed that today!
Thank you, Brandy!
Thanks Gary! I needed that today!
Thank you, Brandy!
Gary, Thank you so much for all you do! It seems so often you hit on the head just what I need. I’m going to print this and remind myself to read it once a week, (or daily) if needed.
What a blessing to be provided with an awesome partner. God bless you both!!
Hi Shari. Thank you. I needed to be reminded of these things almost moment by moment. Sounds like you’re doing well. Blessings.
Gary, Thank you so much for all you do! It seems so often you hit on the head just what I need. I’m going to print this and remind myself to read it once a week, (or daily) if needed.
What a blessing to be provided with an awesome partner. God bless you both!!
Hi Shari. Thank you. I needed to be reminded of these things almost moment by moment. Sounds like you’re doing well. Blessings.
Thank you Gary, once again you have helped and encouraged me on my healing and recovery journey. We are all “perfectly imperfect”. And that perfection comes from the grace of our loving Father.
Bless you Gary and thank you for being an obedient child of God.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. She is a lucky lady.
Hello Kirk. Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. It really makes a difference in my life. And thanks for the well wishes, although I think I’m the blessed one – she’s absolutely amazing. Keep leaning forward brother.
Thank you Gary, once again you have helped and encouraged me on my healing and recovery journey. We are all “perfectly imperfect”. And that perfection comes from the grace of our loving Father.
Bless you Gary and thank you for being an obedient child of God.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. She is a lucky lady.
Hello Kirk. Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. It really makes a difference in my life. And thanks for the well wishes, although I think I’m the blessed one – she’s absolutely amazing. Keep leaning forward brother.
Wow, where do I feel never-enough? I think for me that feeling has been labeled as ‘regret’. Regret from not parenting correctly to something as simple as wasting time. The regret can run deep if I let it because I am forever plagued with the idea that I should have ‘handled’ life differently… more elegant or graceful. Ha. Life is so messy & unpredictable. I am so glad that I serve a God who came to give me life, an abundant life! If it weren’t for my feeble failures and general smallness, how could I ever see the huge-ness (if that’s a word) of God? I will always be most alive standing, kneeling in his wake– there my failure and self-seeking pity is always washed away!
I love David C & that song. If God makes everything glorious, what does that make me?
Guess we have to realize, in Jesus, we are all made GLORIOUS… warts & all!
Congrats on your marriage, I’m so excited for ya’ll! Life may be messy but it has it’s moments! 🙂
Praying for you, Gary!
Hi Casie. You are so right. We walk, move, and breathe by grace alone. If I lose focus on the fact that I am in Christ and He is in me, I am in big, stinking trouble. Thank you for your encouragement, and for your prayers. I certainly need them – everyday. Blessings…
Wow, where do I feel never-enough? I think for me that feeling has been labeled as ‘regret’. Regret from not parenting correctly to something as simple as wasting time. The regret can run deep if I let it because I am forever plagued with the idea that I should have ‘handled’ life differently… more elegant or graceful. Ha. Life is so messy & unpredictable. I am so glad that I serve a God who came to give me life, an abundant life! If it weren’t for my feeble failures and general smallness, how could I ever see the huge-ness (if that’s a word) of God? I will always be most alive standing, kneeling in his wake– there my failure and self-seeking pity is always washed away!
I love David C & that song. If God makes everything glorious, what does that make me?
Guess we have to realize, in Jesus, we are all made GLORIOUS… warts & all!
Congrats on your marriage, I’m so excited for ya’ll! Life may be messy but it has it’s moments! 🙂
Praying for you, Gary!
Hi Casie. You are so right. We walk, move, and breathe by grace alone. If I lose focus on the fact that I am in Christ and He is in me, I am in big, stinking trouble. Thank you for your encouragement, and for your prayers. I certainly need them – everyday. Blessings…
This is one of those old suitcases that I think I have already stored away. Then, I get this heavy weighted down feeling and look down to find myself dragging that old suitcase around again. I have to ask God to lock it away once more. Oddly enough, one of the trouble areas is in church. I feel that I never do enough or never do it well enough. You’re getting married? Congratulations. Kay
Hi Kay. What a great illustration. And yes, we can carry a lot of guilt with us to church. The big question is whether we see those expectations as God’s, our own, or other people’s. I figure my only responsibility is to walk with Jesus, listen to him, and allow him to live through me. Period. Easier said than done…And, yes, I’m getting married, and am very excited. Thank you!
This is one of those old suitcases that I think I have already stored away. Then, I get this heavy weighted down feeling and look down to find myself dragging that old suitcase around again. I have to ask God to lock it away once more. Oddly enough, one of the trouble areas is in church. I feel that I never do enough or never do it well enough. You’re getting married? Congratulations. Kay
Hi Kay. What a great illustration. And yes, we can carry a lot of guilt with us to church. The big question is whether we see those expectations as God’s, our own, or other people’s. I figure my only responsibility is to walk with Jesus, listen to him, and allow him to live through me. Period. Easier said than done…And, yes, I’m getting married, and am very excited. Thank you!
Great post! And so true
Thanks Jennifer. I appreciate it! Now, if I can just remember it and apply it!
Great post! And so true
Thanks Jennifer. I appreciate it! Now, if I can just remember it and apply it!