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[dropcap2 variation=”coffee”]T[/dropcap2]his morning as I walked out of the house, I found myself singing a familiar tune. When I realized what it was, I stopped in my tracks.
Eleanor Rigby? Where did that come from?
Paul McCartney wrote the lyrics in 1966. Eleanor Rigby departed significantly from anything the Beatles had done up to that point. In my opinion, it’s the most haunting and powerful song the group ever recorded:
Ah look at all the lonely people
Ah look at all the lonely people
Eleanor Rigby, picks up the rice
In the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face
That she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Father McKenzie, writing the words
Of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near
Look at him working, darning his socks
In the night when there’s nobody there
What does he care?
Eleanor Rigby, died in the church
And was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie, wiping the dirt
From his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
The song touches me to the core. I can see them, and feel their pain and loneliness.
Or am I perhaps experiencing my own?
We are the Lonely People
Loneliness is rampant. We’re surrounded by people and laden with technology designed to better connect us, and yet this feeling-alone-and-separate stuff runs deep. And no wonder. We’re relational beings at our core, created to love and be loved. We thirst for heart-soul connections that really matter.
Our world doesn’t foster this. Instead, we’re daily, repeatedly enticed by pseudo-fulfillment. Products that will help us feel better. Entertainment that delivers momentary escape from the internal gnawing. Technology that keeps us distracted and numb to the churning monster of aloneness within.
And so we skate through life, few of us ever experiencing the heart-satisfying, contentment-producing connection we’re meant for. Eleanor Rigby and Father McKenzie are still out there. Down the street, and next door. At the office, and at Starbucks. In the movie theater, and at church. In every mirror in every house.
It’s time to save them, and perhaps ourselves in the process.
Saving Eleanor Rigby
Of course, you and I cannot save anyone. That’s for a Higher Authority. But we can slow down, lay down the gadgets, and put aside the to-do list long enough to see the people around us.
The cashier at the grocery store. The server at the restaurant. The driver in the next car over. Our own children.
Look. Observe for a moment. There’s a little Eleanor Rigby in all of them. Do you see her?
This doesn’t come naturally. Distraction and “not seeing” are the norm. We must dare to be different. Connecting begins with seeing, and seeing is a discipline that must be practiced.
Learning to See
We must train ourselves: be aware, notice, observe, see.
As we practice the discipline of seeing, something strange happens. We get out of our own heads. We become more present. We live more in the now. And we feel something inside. What’s that? Connection. It may not be much, but it’s there. Our souls are stirred.
The connection we yearn for begins when we make ourselves available to see others. We can’t force anyone to connect with us. That’s up to them. But we can learn to see, and when we do, our hearts wake.
Yes, we’ve been hurt. We’ve had dreams crushed and expectations dashed. We’ve been betrayed, used, and neglected. Many of us have been abused, abandoned, and forsaken.
Well? Are we going to take this lying down? I think not. It’s time to fight. How? By learning to see.
Choose to see today.
Observe.
Pay attention.
Fight to stay present.
No, there’s no guarantee others will return the favor. But if you take the time and effort to see, I believe you’ll end up being seen as well (though not necessarily by the one in front of you).
Eleanor Rigby. She’s everywhere. She needs us. She needs you.
QUESTION: How big an issue do you think loneliness is?
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Thanks to all of you. Some find it hard to understand how I could be lonly. I live in a house with a spouse and three kids. I’m stuck in a wheelchair. One of my girlfriends visits whenshe can. She is the only person who kisses my cheek and says I love you. No one asks how i am, what they could prepare for my meal. Their lives go on and mine stopped 6 years ago in this chair.I am glad that this is a place that meybe I can be understood. Thank you
Hi Luci. My goodness. Thanks for sharing with us. I’m so sorry. I hope you can think about this site as a “room of grace” – that you can come anytime, in any shape, and bring whatever you’ve got, and you’ll be listened to and accepted. Praying for you now…
Thanks to all of you. Some find it hard to understand how I could be lonly. I live in a house with a spouse and three kids. I’m stuck in a wheelchair. One of my girlfriends visits whenshe can. She is the only person who kisses my cheek and says I love you. No one asks how i am, what they could prepare for my meal. Their lives go on and mine stopped 6 years ago in this chair.I am glad that this is a place that meybe I can be understood. Thank you
Hi Luci. My goodness. Thanks for sharing with us. I’m so sorry. I hope you can think about this site as a “room of grace” – that you can come anytime, in any shape, and bring whatever you’ve got, and you’ll be listened to and accepted. Praying for you now…
That should have said “on whose shoulder you can lay your head”
Hi Lois. Yes, we all have seasons. When we’re in grief, especially deep, acute grief, it’s hard to do anything but try to hang on to our own emotional sanity. I have no doubt you will navigate this time well, with all of its challenging curves and unexpected potholes. I can only imagine the heartache you feel.
That should have said “on whose shoulder you can lay your head”
Hi Lois. Yes, we all have seasons. When we’re in grief, especially deep, acute grief, it’s hard to do anything but try to hang on to our own emotional sanity. I have no doubt you will navigate this time well, with all of its challenging curves and unexpected potholes. I can only imagine the heartache you feel.
Although I have many loved ones reaching out to me, I have never felt more lonely. I guess instead of reaching out to others who are lonely, right now I am deeply entrenched in my own lonliness. Today my focus has been on just one more hug. There is no hug like the one given by your partner on whose head you can lay your shoulder. I am blessed to have had that person and you helped me, for at least a time, feel for all of the lonely people who never find it.
Although I have many loved ones reaching out to me, I have never felt more lonely. I guess instead of reaching out to others who are lonely, right now I am deeply entrenched in my own lonliness. Today my focus has been on just one more hug. There is no hug like the one given by your partner on whose head you can lay your shoulder. I am blessed to have had that person and you helped me, for at least a time, feel for all of the lonely people who never find it.
Good post. I think that so many times, we are the reason behind our loneliness. Nobody wants to here that, but I think that past hurts cause us to place emotional walls and barriers around ourselves and then we feel isolated and alone. Vulnerability makes us so uncomfortable, but it is so necessary for true connection. We hide behind our public persona, but we feel disappointed that no one knows the “real” version of us.
Thanks again for another relevant topic.
Thanks for the insights, Karen. Yes, at least in my case, I’m my own worst enemy. I have walls up that I’m not even aware of, and then wonder why the connection that I long for never seems to happen. You’re right about vulnerability – so uncomfortable, so necessary for the love our hearts yearn for. Thanks again!
Good post. I think that so many times, we are the reason behind our loneliness. Nobody wants to here that, but I think that past hurts cause us to place emotional walls and barriers around ourselves and then we feel isolated and alone. Vulnerability makes us so uncomfortable, but it is so necessary for true connection. We hide behind our public persona, but we feel disappointed that no one knows the “real” version of us.
Thanks again for another relevant topic.
Thanks for the insights, Karen. Yes, at least in my case, I’m my own worst enemy. I have walls up that I’m not even aware of, and then wonder why the connection that I long for never seems to happen. You’re right about vulnerability – so uncomfortable, so necessary for the love our hearts yearn for. Thanks again!
For me, the feelings of loneliness can be overwhelming and increase my anxiety. There have been times where I have been in a crowded room, filled with friends, yet still felt alone. The truth is, outside of my groups and family, people don’t know 100% of me, maybe 60% to 75% of me, but not 100% like those closest to me.
Jorge, thank you for sharing. From my experience in listening to others (and my own personal experience too), what you feel is pretty universal. We are truly “alone together” in many ways. What you’ve said challenged me. How much do I trust those around me, even those I’m closest to, with the real me – my heart? Thanks.
For me, the feelings of loneliness can be overwhelming and increase my anxiety. There have been times where I have been in a crowded room, filled with friends, yet still felt alone. The truth is, outside of my groups and family, people don’t know 100% of me, maybe 60% to 75% of me, but not 100% like those closest to me.
Jorge, thank you for sharing. From my experience in listening to others (and my own personal experience too), what you feel is pretty universal. We are truly “alone together” in many ways. What you’ve said challenged me. How much do I trust those around me, even those I’m closest to, with the real me – my heart? Thanks.
I always enjoy your posts. I’m a lonely person who works in customer service. I come out of the loneliness to bring happiness to the ones I serve. Thanks for reminding me I need to reach out more!!
Thanks for the encouragement, Kathy. I can relate. I appreciate your insights. You’ve been through a lot, and you’re healing. Can’t wait to see the connections that God builds for you in the days ahead!
I always enjoy your posts. I’m a lonely person who works in customer service. I come out of the loneliness to bring happiness to the ones I serve. Thanks for reminding me I need to reach out more!!
Thanks for the encouragement, Kathy. I can relate. I appreciate your insights. You’ve been through a lot, and you’re healing. Can’t wait to see the connections that God builds for you in the days ahead!
Thanks for this Gary – I share your opinion that loneliness is a massive and unrecognised problem in society today. Every time i see someone walking down the street typing on their phone, or even with ear-buds in listening to their own music rather than the world around them i am saddened by the way people shut themselves off from the people who surround them.
Seeing loneliness is the first step, but the hardest. We need to acknowledge our own loneliness and to start to deal with it. If we can only begin to reconnect with one another the world will be a happier place.
Philip, thanks so much for your comments. I feel similar emotions when I see the “shut-out-the-world-around-me” behaviors and mentality. We have no idea what we’re missing by isolating ourselves. And it’s becoming the norm in our culture. It’s time for change. Let it begin with us. Thanks again!
Thanks for this Gary – I share your opinion that loneliness is a massive and unrecognised problem in society today. Every time i see someone walking down the street typing on their phone, or even with ear-buds in listening to their own music rather than the world around them i am saddened by the way people shut themselves off from the people who surround them.
Seeing loneliness is the first step, but the hardest. We need to acknowledge our own loneliness and to start to deal with it. If we can only begin to reconnect with one another the world will be a happier place.
Philip, thanks so much for your comments. I feel similar emotions when I see the “shut-out-the-world-around-me” behaviors and mentality. We have no idea what we’re missing by isolating ourselves. And it’s becoming the norm in our culture. It’s time for change. Let it begin with us. Thanks again!