“I’ve got some unfinished business.”

I first heard this in a movie many years ago. Make things right by getting even. Exact our own version of justice based on our view of what happened. Do to others as they’ve done to us.

And we wonder why things aren’t going well.

Cain’s Ugly Legacy

Unfortunately, there’s some of Cain in all of us.

His story is in the first book of the Bible. His brother Abel brought God his best. Cain brought a bit of what he thought he could spare. The quality of their offerings revealed the state of their hearts.

God accepted Abel’s offering, but not Cain’s. Cain got mad, and decided to get even.  He gave in to his rage and murdered his brother.

Apparently Cain viewed life as a competition, and he had lost. He blamed Abel for his own failure. He chose to see God’s rejection of his offering as God’s rejection of him.

Cain’s legacy has played out in history repeatedly. Murder, character assassination, vigilante justice, self-condemnation, suicide, and gossip – the list goes on and on. Our track record of dealing with past wounds isn’t pretty.

The Past Can Infect the Present

Most of us have something hanging out there unresolved:

  • a deep wound from the past
  • a relationship gone wrong and never put right
  • words and actions we wish could be erased
  • profound disappointments and shattered dreams

These things greatly affect our present lives. They leak out onto all our relationships. Unresolved pain becomes unwanted baggage that weighs us down more than we realize.

Compassion – The Greatest Revenge

Thankfully, there are answers.

Take a deep breath. Listen to this from the New Testament:

Be kind and compassionate, forgiving one another…

“Compassion is the greatest revenge,” says my friend, author, and fellow sexual abuse survivor Cecil Murphey. Compassion is how we turn the tables on evil, and how we release our own hearts to heal. Part of compassion is forgiveness.

What Forgiveness is and isn’t.

Forgiveness isn’t saying that it didn’t matter. Forgiveness is saying it did matter, it hurt, and I will not let it control my mind and heart any longer.

Forgiveness isn’t the same as forgetting. Forgiveness is choosing to let go of the pain so healing can begin.

Forgiveness isn’t just about releasing the other person, but also about freeing the real prisoner – ourselves.

Forgiveness isn’t evidence of weakness or being a doormat. Forgiveness is refusing to be controlled by the words, attitudes, and actions of others.

Forgiveness isn’t the same as trust. We need wisdom to know how deeply to engage with those who’ve hurt us.

Why Refusing to Forgive Hurts Only Us

Refusing to forgive keeps past pain alive and gives it power in the present. When our now is cloaked in the shadow of the past, we can’t fully taste the good around us.

Lack of forgiveness hurts only us, and by extension, those we love.

The Vicious Cycle of Hurting and Being Hurt

As long as we live in this world, we’ll get hurt. We’ll hurt others. Most times this happens innocently and unintentionally. Selective hearing, misunderstandings, and negative interpretations are part of everyday life on this planet.

We can sigh and wish it were different.  Or we can take life as it is and deal with it.

Forgiveness must replace bitterness and revenge.

Forgiveness must become more than an act of the will toward isolated incidents.

Forgiveness must become a priority skill we intentionally develop.

Forgiveness must become the atmosphere is which we do life, the very air we breathe.

Forgiveness is Freedom

Compassion becomes the best revenge because the pain influences us less and less over time. We begin to taste true freedom. We look less in the rearview mirror and gaze more through the windshield.

Kindness, compassion, and forgiveness have always been essentials for healthy hearts. They form the foundation of what it means to love others.

Simply put, forgiveness is freedom. And it tends to be contagious. Imagine the potential ripple effect of each individual act of forgiveness. Maybe peace on earth begins with a single choice today. Peace of mind and heart certainly does.

Here’s to making forgiveness our new atmosphere.

This includes forgiving ourselves too.

It’s never too late.

Question: Do you find forgiveness is hard sometimes? Feel free to comment below:

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