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[dropcap2 variation=”coffee”]J[/dropcap2]eff was a good friend. He sat in front of me in seventh grade English. He was quiet, respectful, and smart. He was easy to be with.
The day after Christmas break, Jeff was absent. He wasn’t there the next day either. The third day, the principle came in, looking somber.
“I’m sorry to tell you this,” she said. “Jeff got very sick with spinal meningitis during Christmas. He didn’t make it.”
I stared at her in shock. I dropped my eyes and gazed at the empty desk in front of me. “He didn’t make it,” echoed over and over in my mind.
The rest of the day was a blur. I kept thinking, “This can’t be real.”
It was real, all right. It just wasn’t real for me yet.
Loss hits us that way. We can’t digest it. It feels surreal, as if life suddenly stopped and abruptly changed direction. It’s like a dream, or a nightmare. We wonder when we’re going to wake up.
For several weeks, I dreaded going to English class. I would ease into my seat, hyper-aware of the empty desk in front of me. I had trouble concentrating.
I’d think, “This just can’t be real. It just can’t. . .”
The holidays will bring up your loss all over again. Everywhere you look, you may see your loved one. There will be a memory around every corner. You may hang your head and think, “It can’t be real. It just can’t – not at Christmas!”
What do you do?
Feel the shock. Let yourself experience the pain. As you do, you’ll find your heart slowly start to settle.
Shock is part of good grief – grief that heals.
HOLIDAY GRIEF PRINCIPLE: Shock is the natural first response to loss. Things may feel surreal for a while.
I wrote Surviving the Holidays without You to help you navigate the holidays in a healthy way that honors your loved one. Give yourself this gift. You’re worth it.
You can move through grief in a healthy way. Subscribe now to the Good Grief Mini-Course . It’s free. Why wait? Take this step of healing now.
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