[dropcap2 variation=”coffee”]W[/dropcap2]e mess up. It’s a part of life. Do we give ourselves and each other the grace to recover?
Sometimes I mess up and don’t even know it. Other times, I’m very conscious I’ve blown it. Others may notice, or they may not.
Then there are times when I think I’ve messed up, but really I’m just blaming myself because someone got upset about something. That’s because deep down inside there’s a voice from my childhood saying, “It’s your fault. You’re a mess-up.”
In times of upset, this voice begins to fire away like some microchip implanted in my brain, and it complicates things immensely. It’s loaded with shame and guilt, neither of which does me or anyone else any good.
What’s your mess-up M.O.? Do you get angry, fearful, or resentful? Do you feel shame or guilt? Do you vehemently deny you had anything to do with it? Do you blow it off and say “whatever?”
Here are five things I’ve learned to say to myself when things go south:
- “Oh my. Something went wrong.”
- “I refuse to wallow in guilt and shame. I’ll take action.”
- “What was my part in this? (Did I have a part in this?)”
- “How can I best apologize and make amends?”
- “I need to let others have their own emotions about this.”
After I go through this, it’s time to move on. Yes, emotions may be unsettled and people may still be upset, but obsessing about the issue has never helped me or the others involved.
And I can only deal with own my thoughts and emotions. I want to behave responsibly and with love toward others, but I can’t manage their emotions or take care of them (they have to do that).
It’s a challenge, but be encouraged. The good things in life usually are.
